A Little Gossamer

Hard to believe, but my 2 years in Korea will be coming to an end in almost exactly two months (my last day of class is August 25^th).  Right now, I’m looking at my schedule and realizing that almost every remaining weekend I have in Korea (that would be nine, but who’s counting?) is already filled with some event or trip.  Lately, I’ve already been reminiscing about my time here, especially my first year.  My first year occupies my mind as a perfect, ethereal time in my recent life – as if it were a dream.  I think my second year has definitely teetered towards being more “real” and imminent in my memory, but maybe after I leave Korea it will occupy a space amongst the gossamer of the first year. 

I remember feeling the same way about my year in China as I do about my first year in Korea – it’s almost as if it’s a dream that never actually happened in real life.

I don’t know exactly what made my first year here so special, but I can surmise that it had to do a lot to do with two factors: 1. everything being so new and novel, and 2. the company I kept.  The first is self-explanatory: living in a new country means that you will have new experiences.  But a year’s time is more than enough time to adjust to living in a new country.  As far as the second one is concerned, I think that the dynamic that Kate, Liz, Daniel, and I had (and later on, Colin) was a very special one.  I don’t think I’ve ever had a group of friends that were so close to each other.  I don’t mean that I haven’t had close friends, because I definitely have, but that I’ve never had a group of friends that were so close to each other.  I usually become close friends with one person in a social group, and then remain an acquaintance with the other members of that group.  Or, in the case of my main group of high school friends, I become closer to a few in the group and don’t feel as close to the others.  I guess since there was only four (and five) of us, that allowed us to get a lot closer to each other.  However, I don’t think that’s the entire story by a long shot.  I think our personalities, senses of humor, and our neuroticisms interweaved and interlocked with each other’s in profound ways.  I’m not sure if I will experience having a group dynamic like that again, at least for such a short period of time. 

Besides the two factors mentioned above, there were just some memories and moments that seemed to have that ephemeral and transcendental quality that I often talk about: when time seems to slow down and, rather than being occupied by the future or the past, you are completely in the present.

One of these moments that is foremost in mind is when I went to Busan for four days by myself after returning to Korea from my winter vacation in Vietnam.  I distinctly remember strolling along Haeundae Beach while listening to My Bloody Valentine’s album, “mbv”, a breezy, beautiful, and highly textured album.  I specifically had the song “She Found Now” on repeat.  While listening to this and walking on the beach, life seemed light – as if I was walking in clouds.  Not because I was ecstatically happy (or unhappy, for that matter), but because I was in such a reflective mood while also being totally in the present.  I also had these same sorts of feelings when I was at Haedong Yonggungsa in Busan, which is a temple built right against the sea.

Another one of these moments was when I was in Gyeongju with Kate, Liz, and Daniel.  As the sun was setting, we were walking at the edge of a gigantic park in which tons of people were with their families and loved ones relaxing and flying kites.  It was the same sort of feeling: ephemeral and transcendent, but totally in the present.

As I grow older, it becomes rarer and rarer that I have these moments.  It's hard for me to put myself completely in the present, because I feel as though my mind is always working overtime, especially concerning making plans for the future.  Even though the moments are few and far between, I cherish each one of them.