On the Edge of 30

“As I grow older” was the phrase I used to start the last sentence in my previous post.  With the full knowledge that I’m 29 and will be turning 30 in just about 7 months, I’ve been thinking about many subjects surrounding age and maturity. 

I think a lot of it started when I was toying with the idea of living in Seoul sometime in the future, primarily because I had recently had a great night out to places I had never even been to in Seoul.  I thought, “You know, there are probably so many amazing clubs, restaurants, and other nooks and crannies that I will never even know about in Seoul.”  Then, I realized, I’m starting to get too old for partying and clubbing.  I would say I stopped partying real hard around the time I was 24, but even just partying on Friday and/or Saturday can take it out of me for two or three days at a time. 

Then I had a realization that I’m losing touch with youth culture via today’s newest slang.  I saw the slang phrase “Turn down for what?!” and had to look it up (it means essentially, “Why should I take it easy?  I’m partying hard and having a good time!!!”).  “Am I starting to become…UNCOOL?!?!” I thought.

These more superficial thoughts then turned into a different subject: my 20s.

I would say that, as a whole, my 20s have been incredible.  I had four amazing years at university, and also taught English for a year in China, a year in Chile, and two years in Korea. By the end of this year, I will have traveled to 19 different countries (having lived in 4 of them).  I’ve met many wonderful people from around the world.  I’ve also grown emotionally and mentally, though I would say that I still have a lot of growing to do.

In my mid-twenties I had to allow myself some time to find direction, as well as have a serious relationship, in order to realize what I want (to travel, to teach English abroad) and don’t want (serious relationships, to be static, to get settled down).  I’d say that time was probably the point in my life when I had the most emotional and psychological growth, not to mention the fastest.

One of my biggest fears is growing older and regretting my life, or at least parts of my life.  I’ve been reading (sometimes plodding through), off and on, a philosophical work called “Either/Or” by Soren Kierkegaard.  It’s often regarded as one of the most important and influential philosophical works of all time, especially considering that Soren Kierkegaard is often regarded as the godfather of existentialism.  The basic premise of “Either/Or” is that one can either choose to live an “aesthetic” life (governed by the desire to fulfill sensual desires…not just food, drink, and sex but also including a deep appreciation for art, etc.) or an “ethical” life (governed by moral duty, such as getting married and having children).  The basic implication is that in choosing one or the other, one will regret not having lived the other life.  So far, there hasn’t been a synthesis of the two that has been offered to the reader, and I think there might not be.

While many of my friends are getting married and even starting to have children, this has not affected my non-desire to get married or have children.  A non-desire that I've had since I was about 17 or 18 years old.  I will admit there is an undercurrent of implicit social pressure, however, the flow of which I can feel about as much as tiny fish nibbling at my toe.

Today, I read an article written by an acquaintance of mine.  In the article, she interviewed seven different travelers.  I think almost every person she interviewed had gone to university, graduated, gotten a good-paying job they hated, and then quit their job to travel.  Some of those people ended up starting their own businesses abroad, while some of them are just working at hostels or bars.  Nevertheless, all of them were happy. 

I know myself well enough that I know I wouldn’t be happy married, having children, or perhaps even working in the United States for an extended period of time.  Who knows?  Maybe some day in the future those things will appeal to me, but I see them being the last things on my mind for the foreseeable future.

I’m happy for my friends who are happy living that life.  I THINK I can understand what they value in that life, but I just know it’s not for me.

I’m in the process of convincing myself that going to graduate school is a wise decision in the long run, but I also feel like I’ll missing out on time for adventure and exploration.  Being 30 when I start graduate school, I will hypothetically not be finishing until I’m 33 (if you also include some time for receiving a teaching certification).  That is three years of adventure and exploration that I will be missing out on, not to mention debt that I’ll be accruing. 

My intuition hasn’t done me wrong in making big life decisions yet, but I feel like I will have to adjust the frequency just a bit to be able to make the next big life decision or two.

A Little Gossamer

Hard to believe, but my 2 years in Korea will be coming to an end in almost exactly two months (my last day of class is August 25^th).  Right now, I’m looking at my schedule and realizing that almost every remaining weekend I have in Korea (that would be nine, but who’s counting?) is already filled with some event or trip.  Lately, I’ve already been reminiscing about my time here, especially my first year.  My first year occupies my mind as a perfect, ethereal time in my recent life – as if it were a dream.  I think my second year has definitely teetered towards being more “real” and imminent in my memory, but maybe after I leave Korea it will occupy a space amongst the gossamer of the first year. 

I remember feeling the same way about my year in China as I do about my first year in Korea – it’s almost as if it’s a dream that never actually happened in real life.

I don’t know exactly what made my first year here so special, but I can surmise that it had to do a lot to do with two factors: 1. everything being so new and novel, and 2. the company I kept.  The first is self-explanatory: living in a new country means that you will have new experiences.  But a year’s time is more than enough time to adjust to living in a new country.  As far as the second one is concerned, I think that the dynamic that Kate, Liz, Daniel, and I had (and later on, Colin) was a very special one.  I don’t think I’ve ever had a group of friends that were so close to each other.  I don’t mean that I haven’t had close friends, because I definitely have, but that I’ve never had a group of friends that were so close to each other.  I usually become close friends with one person in a social group, and then remain an acquaintance with the other members of that group.  Or, in the case of my main group of high school friends, I become closer to a few in the group and don’t feel as close to the others.  I guess since there was only four (and five) of us, that allowed us to get a lot closer to each other.  However, I don’t think that’s the entire story by a long shot.  I think our personalities, senses of humor, and our neuroticisms interweaved and interlocked with each other’s in profound ways.  I’m not sure if I will experience having a group dynamic like that again, at least for such a short period of time. 

Besides the two factors mentioned above, there were just some memories and moments that seemed to have that ephemeral and transcendental quality that I often talk about: when time seems to slow down and, rather than being occupied by the future or the past, you are completely in the present.

One of these moments that is foremost in mind is when I went to Busan for four days by myself after returning to Korea from my winter vacation in Vietnam.  I distinctly remember strolling along Haeundae Beach while listening to My Bloody Valentine’s album, “mbv”, a breezy, beautiful, and highly textured album.  I specifically had the song “She Found Now” on repeat.  While listening to this and walking on the beach, life seemed light – as if I was walking in clouds.  Not because I was ecstatically happy (or unhappy, for that matter), but because I was in such a reflective mood while also being totally in the present.  I also had these same sorts of feelings when I was at Haedong Yonggungsa in Busan, which is a temple built right against the sea.

Another one of these moments was when I was in Gyeongju with Kate, Liz, and Daniel.  As the sun was setting, we were walking at the edge of a gigantic park in which tons of people were with their families and loved ones relaxing and flying kites.  It was the same sort of feeling: ephemeral and transcendent, but totally in the present.

As I grow older, it becomes rarer and rarer that I have these moments.  It's hard for me to put myself completely in the present, because I feel as though my mind is always working overtime, especially concerning making plans for the future.  Even though the moments are few and far between, I cherish each one of them.

Late Summer Updates

(Note:  I completely forgot about this blog post until a week or two ago.  These are random updates from later in the summer in 2013)

Well, I have to admit that I’m writing this retrospectively, because as I was finishing up my blog posts from the first year, I realized there was a significant gap of reporting between the middle of the summer and the end of the summer.  So here is a smattering of updates from that period of time:

-          Every year, Mud Festival is held in a nearby city called Boryeong (which is more widely known as Daecheon Beach).  They started the Mud Festival a number of years ago in order to spread the message of the supposed healing properties of mud.  Eventually, it somehow became a big party weekend for foreigners.  It’s worth noting that it was kind of surreal to look up and down the street at this time, because they were filled with foreigners.  The population of Boryeong for this weekend was probably 75-85% foreigners.  Honestly, it felt like a college spring break party all weekend long. 

For this event, a friend of a friend solidified a pension-style suite for us – 35 of us to be exact.  We all arrived at our pension about the same time, even though we took different transportation to get there.  We split up for dinner.  I went with Kate, JMo, Nicole, Nelson, and Marisol to a seafood restaurant (that’s really the only acceptable option when you eat out in Boryeong).  We were served all-you-can-eat grilled shellfish with all the usual sides. During our dinner, our waitress dropped an oyster onto our friend, Nicole, and the waitress exclaimed something in Korean.  Since Nicole is Korean Canadian and is learned in the language, she understood what the waitress said, and told us while laughing, “She said, ‘Oh, the precious clam!’" Also, while we were eating, the two biggest troublemakers from our orientation, Melody and Kylie, surprised us by running by us squirting water guns at us (we were sitting outside).  It was a drive-by!  After we returned to the pension, the real party started!  We all sat out on the patio on a picnic-style bench and played drinking games.  We also lit sparklers and danced in the streets and the beach.  Hilariously enough, I ran into a Korean guy I met at my gym in Daejeon while in Boryeong.  He had moved away a while ago to get a job in a different city, but we randomly ran into each other on the streets of Boryeong, so he hung out with us for a while that night.  A pleasant surprise!

So, we ended up partying far into the night on Friday night.  On Saturday, we woke up hungover and groggy.  Some of us were still drunk.  Some of us grabbed a bit ‘o the hair of the dog.  After the lot of us was somewhat presentable, we staggered over to the Mud Festival area.  They had mud baths, inflatable slides, inflatable pools, and all other types of things.  The first thing we did was cover ourselves in the cool mud.  We decided to go down one of the slides, but it took forever for us to get through the line, so we were kind of discouraged from doing any more of the amusement type things after that.  We mostly just hung out at the beach and swam in the ocean, while occasionally covering ourselves in mud.  And of course, drinking.  Kate and I took a mid-day break to eat lunch at a seafood restaurant, and had more or less the same meal as we did on Friday night (no complaints there!)  Our server was a Korean university student with near perfect English.  He had been studying at a university in Tennessee and was back in Korea during summer break.  We talked to him for a while.  Seemed like a pretty cool guy!

A fun, but very tiring weekend.  That's for damn sure.

- In the chaos of the end of the first year, our family (Kate, Liz, Daniel, Colin, and I) scheduled one last family trip to Jeonju.  Jeonju is known for two things really, their bibimbap (an extremely common and old Korean dish) and the Hanok Village, which is a traditional village.  I call this trip our "Grumpy Trip to Jeonju", because almost all of us were in a bad mood:  Kate had stayed up all night partying, Daniel had just gotten back from a school trip to Jeju and had had no time to relax, I was pissy because no one else helped me organize our trip and continued to seem disinterested in planning our precious day in Jeonju, and Liz was tired and was having a fight with her long distance boyfriend.  Predictably, Colin was the only one who didn't seem to be in a bad mood.

- We had one last hurrah before everyone left  on the second to last weekend of August. Queenie and Xavier have a friend in Seoul, and his birthday happened to be the night before Queenie and Xavier were planning on leaving Korea.  So, it turned into a birthday party, and a massive going away party for not only Queenie and Xavier, but for a LOT of people.  We started the night off with a rooftop party right next to our favorite party area of Seoul, Hongdae.  Around midnight, everyone left to go to "THE park", which is a big open park right in the middle of Hongdae.  Often, people drink there before going out...or just drink there the entire night. Once we got to the park, we noticed that people were boxing in the middle of the park (I guess this had been a trend all summer long).  They were using gloves, so I guess it was a little safe, but it certainly seemed pretty rowdy.  As there was a boxing match going on, we saw a (what I would presume to be) Korean man climb a tree in nothing but speedos.  From what I recall, he then started yelling in Korean.  We lost track of him for a while, but then we saw a big commotion in the crowd.  What looked like a Korean student was trying to chase the guy in the speedo, but the guy in the speedo was running away.  Later, someone said they saw the guy in the speedo in the bathroom yelling and spitting at the mirror.  I guess that guy has...problems.  One of our friends who lives in Seoul said, "Yea, he comes to the park and acts crazy like that every weekend."

From the park we moved to Thursday Party (the name of a bar), where we spent some time.  It was there that Xavier departed.  He had a very early flight on Sunday morning, which he was clearly going to be intoxicated for...but really, what other way is there to catch your last flight out of Korea?

Around this point is when the waterworks started.  Kate said goodbye to Chubb and started to cry a lot.  Then I hugged her and started to cry a lot.  Eventually we collected ourselves enough to join the rest of the group.  I think after that we just made our way to Taco Bell, which is (unfortunately) our Hongdae tradition.  Then we made the walk back to our hostel.

The next day we went to Craftworks for lunch and had a good, but kind of sad, last meal together (Me, Daniel, Kate, Liz, Colin, Jessica).  After that, we walked together to the subway where I said goodbye to my two little "sisters", Kate and Liz.  There were a lot of tears and long hugs. 

Thoughts on Cultural Differences

As my time in Korea has continued, I’ve noticed more and more that there are some cultural elements that I have trouble understanding or accepting.  I am certainly NOT the type of person that lives in a different country and tries to tell the people of that country how they SHOULD live or how their culture SHOULD be.  I am, however, definitely the type of person that comes to a new country being observant of the manners, mannerisms, daily conduct, psyche, etc. of the people of that particular country, and I try to adapt (within reason) to that as much as possible. 

In other words, I would consider myself a cultural relativist: I don’t think that one culture is “better” than other cultures.  While I might not agree with everything one culture stands for…or what they do…or how they do it, I acknowledge that it’s just different, but not necessarily better.

Obviously, there are some extreme aspects of some cultures that my moral compass doesn’t allow me to accept in any way.  To give an extreme example, I wouldn't be able to stand any culture that practices slavery.

Coming full circle, there are many aspects of Korean culture that I do understand, and I have tried to adapt to.  However, there are some aspects that I’ve had difficulty understanding.  I’ve realized that the latter aspects I’m referring to aren’t merely cultural, but they are also psychological.  To me, I will never FULLY understand these psychological aspects (I guess what one would refer to as the “cultural psyche” of a people) simply because I wasn’t born and raised here. 

I’ve been aware of this for a while, but there was a specific conversation I had with one of my co-teachers in which I became REALLY aware of it.  My co-teacher and I meet twice a week one-on-one so he can practice his conversational English.  I usually bring in an English-language article with some questions about its content.  The article I brought in this particular day was about how there was a study showing that children in the UK were concerned with their body image and diets and things of that sort.  It said something like 59% of the girls and over 50% of boys surveyed reported being overly concerned with their looks.  These were girls and boys under 12 years old from what I recall.  After reading the article, my co-teacher said, “I don’t agree with this opinion,” which made me momentarily irritated.  I mean, this was a SCIENTIFIC STUDY, not an opinion.  Sure, studies can be slanted and biased in certain ways, but there is an absolute canyon of difference between an “opinion” and a “scientific study”.  I explained that as gently as possible.  Then I asked him what he didn’t agree with.  He said, “I don’t think boys really care about their appearance almost as much as girls do.”  Then we got into a discussion in which he said that girls, by nature, should care more about their appearance than boys.  I‘m paraphrasing here, but I said, “Why do you think that is?”  He said, “That’s just the way nature is.”  That got me thinking about a couple things: 1. I think East Asian cultures are really enveloped in binary relationships.  We definitely are in Western countries due in part to Judeo-Christian beliefs and traditions (e.g. “good vs. evil”), but I feel like it’s a more rigidly and strongly believed here.  Though, I may be wrong.  2.  His point of view is something that I think is wrong, but what makes his point of view OBJECTIVELY wrong?  I don’t know.  His interpretation of truth is different than my interpretation of truth.  Truth is interpretation.  3.  I will never understand his “truth”, and on a larger scale, these “truths” as viewed through the lens of the cultural psyche.

Another example is the Confucian hierarchical system.  Whether at work or in family, it is very important to respect hierarchies in Korea, as it is believed that respecting it in practice will create harmony.  However, from my cultural upbringing, there are some illogical parts to this system.  For example, if I need to ask for a day off, I would need to ask my co-teacher, who then would ask the vice-principal.  It would be a big no-no to go directly to the vice-principal to ask.  Why?  Because I wouldn't be respecting the hierarchy.  Which truth is objectively right?  I guess I know just what works for me.  Maybe I don't...who knows?!

Interestingly enough, I came across this article a while ago, which expresses a lot of the same sentiments that I did in this post.  http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/04/06/my-so-called-opinion/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&hp&rref=opinion&_r=2

This is something that I've struggled with, and I know that many of my friends have struggled with.  In a world with a plurality of truth, what is objectively true?

Final Note on My Taiwan and Philippines Travels

Overall, I think one of the things I’ll remember most about my time in the Philippines and Taiwan (but especially Taiwan) is just how damn nice people were.  In Korea, people are generally super friendly to foreigners (unfortunately, with the addendum “if you’re white”), but they are also super shy.  Meaning, if a foreigner was lost or needed help, I think most Koreans would have a desire to help them, but they might be held back because they are shy or they don’t think their English is very good. The Taiwanese, on the other hand, were always willing to help, even if they didn’t have the best English.  I was constantly amazed by how friendly they were, even in a metropolis like Taipei.  One vivid memory I have is when I went to see one of my favorite bands, The National, in Taipei.  It was raining and I had brought an umbrella, so I was holding it while watching the band perform.  A Taiwanese girl in front of me turned around and asked if I wanted to set my umbrella down with purses and other things people had set down at the barrier between the crowd and the stage.  I said, "Yes" and she took my umbrella and set it down next to everything else.  After the show, I was waiting while other people picked their stuff up, and the same girl reached down to grab my umbrella and gave it back to me.  So nice!  

Many of the people I interacted with in the Philippines were also super nice.  I can't remember the name of the hostel, but all of the employees of the hostel were incredibly sweet and helpful.  As a traveler, it always helps to feel welcomed when you go to some place new! 

Philippines - Moalboal

In Manila, I was told by one of employees at my hostel that there really isn’t anything to do in Cebu City, so I decided to only stay the night there.  After spending the night in Cebu City, I left the next day to take a bus to Moalboal.  Moalboal is on the other side of Cebu Island.  According to my guidebook, Moalboal was the first place to put diving in the Philippines on the map.  Moalboal is kind of a sleepy coastal town – it was very quiet and relaxing.  As the only budget hostels were sold out, I decided to splurge a bit and I spent a little extra to get myself a private room.  And, by splurge, I mean only $30 or so for a two night stay.

My first day in Moalboal was spent on its White Beach (one of many in the Philippines).  I simply lied on the beach and went swimming.  It was the first time I had seen the ocean since last summer, and it was a welcome sight to behold. 

The next day, I went to Kawasana Waterfalls.  It was only a 30 minute bus ride from Moalboal.  There were two sizeable pools formed by a few waterfalls.  The water was kind of a milky coral blue, and it was so refreshingly cold in the 80 degree weather.  I spent a couple hours just wandering around and chillin’ in the water. 

On the morning of my final day in Moalboal, I went snorkeling.  The snorkeling wasn’t as good as what I have experienced before in Thailand, but it was still nice…until I ran into a school if miniature jellyfish.  That felt like a lot of pin pricks.  Nonetheless, I loved watching the neon blue clown fish scurry away amongst all of the coral and other ocean life. 

My only regret in Moalboal is that I didn't go see the whales.  Some other travelers that I met on the White Beach told me that they took a boat for a couple hours to feed some whales, and it was an incredible experience.  I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to do that at some point in my life!

Moalboal was one of the only times during my trip where I really wanted some company, as I was not staying in a hostel, so I wasn’t in an environment where I could readily meet people.  Despite this, I appreciated the time alone to reflect. 

Philippines - Manila

My hostel in Manila was one of the best I recall staying at (and I have stayed at many).  One thing that made it so great was that every staff member had a larger-than-life personality, which I absolutely love. I would describe most of my close friends as having larger-than-life personalities, so I’ve been assuming that I’m just naturally drawn to people like that. There was a German bartender/techie who (stereotypically) took things a little too seriously, an absolute riot of Kiwi who was a non-stop talker and an encyclopedia of knowledge concerning travel within the Philippines, an English-Iranian who was more than just a little reminiscent of Russell Brand (minus all of the revolutionary and spiritual talk), a seemingly never sober Filipino-Chinese accountant, and finally, the laid back but blunt Floridian owner.

In addition to this cast of characters, the whole hostel had an extremely laid back atmosphere.  Manila isn’t necessarily known as a place to do a lot of touristy stuff.  They have some great food and a great night life, but not much do besides that. Therefore a lot of people would just (quite literally) lay around the hostel sleeping off a hangover or just being lazy during the days.  I did this once or twice, and didn’t even feel guilty! 

One night, a large group of people were drinking at the hostel, and we all decided to go dancing at a club called Time, or something like that.  We got a deal on bottle service because there were so many of us, and we danced all night to some great House DJs.  Another night, I went to a pretty ritzy bar and restaurant complex that one actually had to be let into.  At every entrance of the complex were standing guards who apparently wouldn’t let anyone in that looked “poor” or looked like “riff raff” according to the Kiwi from my hostel.  We went to a really good resto-bar called Dillinger’s.  After we paid, two huge bodyguards led us out to the main patio.  I guess they usually do this without asking and the implication is that you must tip them.

In my Lonely Planet guidebook, there is a section that names Manila as “Scam City”.  I had heard that this includes some crooked taxi cab drivers who sometimes don’t turn on the meter.  Luckily, I only got scammed by a taxi cab driver once, but he didn’t even really scam me, he was just a complete asshole.  Instead of taking me to the destination that I had asked, he took me to the other side of the city.  The difference in fares was minimal, because he took the highway. I didn’t even realize it until I asked someone for directions. I hate being dicked around and taken advantage of like that almost more than anything, but I kept my cool and simply got another taxi. 

My time in Manila was short, and that was probably for the best.  I had a good time experiencing the nightlife in Manila, but I don't think I will ever go back there, haha!

Despite this, we did have one wonderful hostel-sponsored trip to an inactive volcano a couple hours away from Manila.  I even hit a golf ball into the middle of the volcano!